Ahhhh the subject that makes most professional Dominatrices cringe. The concept of the personal slave and/or the live in slave. To be clear, this is purely a male fantasy and not something that most Pro Dommes could even begin to fathom let alone stomach in reality.
We all know that Hobosexual from Fetlife or the creep in our DMs on social media. The one who expects to move in to our home as a personal 24/7 slave and have his bespoke fantasies carried out for free. The same guy who didn’t read a word on our websites, only watches our pirated videos and usually has bad grammar. Welcome to the bane of every Pro Domme – the timewasting fantasist.
This blog was inspired by a tweet I posted on a lazy Saturday afternoon. While still in bed and groggy, I said I needed a coffee machine in my bedroom so I didn’t have to get out of bed. The responses that followed were complete fantasist drivel. At least four males in My audience suggested I get a live in slave or a personal slave. I think I’d rather have My wisdom teeth pulled out again and here is why.
mmPersonal does not equal free
I am a professional Dominatrix and have been for going on ten years. I am well known internationally because I have an unswerving work ethic. To stay at the top of one’s game, considerable time and energy goes into developing and maintaining a well oiled machine. A lot of time is devoted to marketing, photo and video shoots (then dealing with piracy), editing, scheduling, writing scripts/blogs/posts, website maintenance. In addition to interacting on social media and time spent on premium rate services (webcam, phone lines, etc). The list is not exhaustive. The last thing any of us want is to come home to is this for free.
At the time of writing, I am not currently taking on new slaves here in Paris until the pandemic subsides. But even if that were the case, I command the highest fees in this city. As I am currently only available online, My pay per minute fees are also in the high range. I attract a certain level of clientele ie the affluent and discerning who can afford what I offer. So putting that in perspective, why would a Domina of My standing want to do this without financial gain?
Yes, there is the argument that if I loved BDSM so much why don’t I have personal slaves? Don’t get Me wrong. I love BDSM. I eat, sleep and breathe BDSM. But this is not My hobby. This is My profession. You wouldn’t ask your dentist to fill a cavity for free because they love teeth. You wouldn’t ask your accountant to do your books for free because they love numbers and taxes. The same applies here. I have spent more than a decade of dedicated energy and countless finances investing in My professional skills and infrastructure to get to this point. My expectations are relative to My ROI.
Indecent Proposal
Here is one example of an offer I had by a film slave I’d known in London. He had filmed for Me several times and we had good chemistry (yes, he paid a tribute to appear in My films). After a shoot we went for a drink to decompress. He told Me that the wanted to be My live in slave so I broke it down for him.
As he is a dog owner, that was already a no go zone for Me but I gave him My theoretic answer. He would have been expected to pay 100% of bills including food and utilities. I have expensive tastes so he’d have to take a three bedroom apartment in a posh neighbourhood. Added to which, I would still expect an eye wateringly large monthly tribute for the privilege. Additionally I would expect gifts, shopping, nights out, restaurants and he would not be My only slave. Watching football in My presence is also a no go zone so I’d imagine that would eliminate most potential British candidates.
Gobsmacked, he told Me his expectations were that he could move into My home and only have to pay half the rent. That’s called a flat mate, not a live in slave. He thought he’d come home from work and I would yell and spit on him and put him in a cage for hours. Why would I do that in My spare time when I command some of the highest tributes in UK and/or France. I think it was the part about football not being allowed that was the thing that shocked him the most.
Fantasy vs Reality
While I have a naturally domineering personality, that doesn’t mean I don’t have My weak points or flaws. Despite being known as the Queen of Mean (ask anyone who has pissed Me off) I am also kind and good natured. In short, I am an actual human with a range of emotions. Sorry to burst your bubble but yes, there is actually a normal human behind the mask of Lady Bellatrix.
When I need time off to reboot the machine or to switch off the noise, the last thing I want or need is a needy slave in My face. For free. How could I “Netflix and chill” if I had some demanding sub breathing down My neck for attention. For free. Seriously, you’re having a laugh. This is an insult to My integrity.
There’s no such thing as a free lunch
When I want something done, I want it done well. And I am happy to pay for professional services whether it is a complicated move or sometimes even house cleaning. When you pay someone for a professional service, you can breathe easy knowing they will show up and do it well. Professionals are motivated by money. It is a different story when someone is motivated by their dick.
You see, ten years ago I thought to be a proper Mistress, I needed to have an entourage of adoring slaves following Me around constantly. Ten years ago, was probably My only encounter with a free “personal slave” and it was enough to nip that concept in the bud. I’m glad I got that out of the way when I was a baby Domme.
On another occasion in My baby Domme years, someone answered My ad on the old Servants 4 U forum in the UK. We arranged that he would come clean My flat. I had loads of paperwork to do so I planned on doing that while he cleaned. I answered the door in jeans with no make-up. The look on his face was of pure shock that I wasn’t in full Dominatrix regalia. He intentionally did a poor job of cleaning so I would punish him. Not only was I not being paid, but he also did not so much as bring a gift for My time and to enter My home and personal space. All he brought with him was entitlement and expectation. Needless to say, I never spoke to him again. This was the first and last time I let a personal slave into My space without some form of tribute.
About five years ago, another regular film slave wanted to be considered as a personal slave. He was a carpenter by trade. He started coming over once a month or so to do minor repairs, but was still charged My house boy tribute and bought things off My wishlist. But a week before the big move into My palatial home in Buckinghamshire, he went AWOL. He was supposed to help with moving and do final repairs. When he did finally surface months later, he told Me that I didn’t seem interested in his chastity so serving Me was not appealing for him. Moving is always stressful, added to which a close family member of Mine was just diagnosed with cancer. But the fact that I wasn’t paying attention to his dick was more important.
Be careful what you wish for
That being said, I know a professional Domina who has several live-in slaves at any given time. I am fascinated by her and the fact that she can put herself through this. This is part of a lifestyle arrangement and not only do her slaves live rent free, she does not ask a tribute. So yes, this exists, but here is the reality.
Whenever I hear from her or of her, the story is the same. Stress. She is always yelling at them for not bringing her coffee in the morning and other minor offenses. They are always stressed because she is always yelling. One of them also moans that he doesn’t have any personal time or space because she is so demanding. They all signed up for this! I cannot see this ending well.
Collaring and Female Led Relationships are a complete different topic. I also have strong views on this and will probably eventually cover that. But the bottom line for Me is no pay = no play.
Unpaid Babysitting
I had a random opportunity to meet a well known Domina while we were both on tour in the same city at the same time. We didn’t know each other well, but moved in the same circles. It turned out she had several personal slaves as well as a long term partner. Again, I picked up on stress.
Being nosey, I asked if she got a monthly stipend from any of her personal slaves. I was shocked that the answer was no. Merely, in exchange for flights, food and hotel the “lucky slave” got to travel and attend an epic fetish party wearing the collar of an internationally renowned Domina. But there was not an additional tribute for her time and attention. Then there was the conversation about jealousy and competition between the slaves. This is not worth the occasional pair of Louboutins for Me.
I’m not saying this is wrong nor am I knocking those Dommes who choose this path, but personally I see this as unpaid babysitting. If I want to go to a fetish event in a far flung place, I will pay My own way or go with My friends. To be expected to play merely for the price of an airline ticket and hotel room is not enough recompense for My likings. I would expect to be fully sponsored plus My day rate as part of My Fly Me To You package.
Being seen on The Scene
I was pestered by a “scene friend” to attend their lavish dinner party. Admission was exorbitantly expensive and not something I would normally attend. They were always telling Me to “get a slave to pay for it”. Seriously. Here is another notion that needs to be addressed. A lot of “scenesters” are lifestyle players who don’t understand the financial complexities of a Pro Domme. Although openminded, lifestylers tend to have skewed perceptions about professional domination.
Here are the type of slaves I have. They pay a non-refundable deposit for a set amount of time, arrive, get slapped around, then shower and leave with a smile on their face when it’s over. Otherwise on pay per minute platforms, the second they run out of credit is the second I stop dominating them.
Believe it or not, I do have a personal life (which I guard completely). I rarely chat or socialise with My real time slaves out of session time. And if I do, they support Me in other ways either by regularly buying clips, joining My fan club or gifts off My WISHLIST. Additionally, most of the slaves in My harem have personal and professional lives so they can’t readily be seen with their Mistress in public.
But, let’s say a slave were to pay in excess of 500 (euros/pounds/dollars) for the overall expenses associated with attending a fetish party. My expectations would also include a tribute and a new dress. That starts to add up. That same amount could be invested on equipment, gear or more latex. That to Me has more value than a bunch of party pictures on social media.
Most of the “Scene Dommes” you see at fetish events with their personal slaves are usually doing it for publicity (unpaid social leverage). Did their personal slaves at least buy them a new outfit for the occasion? Dinner beforehand? A taxi home after? A lot of these ladies don’t charge a tribute for their time to attend parties with personal slaves. But I hope they at least have their expenses covered.
None of this interests Me whatsoever. No tribute = lost earnings. I could be camming, logged into premium rate, filming clips or most impotantly, having a moment to wank or just relax. Why would I donate My time to a personal slave who either can’t afford a session or wouldn’t pay for one if he could.
hose expecting to be a personal slave, need to bear these costs in mind. When the meter is switched off, so am I. Does that make Me a Findom? Not exactly. But I am also not a charity.
That is not to say I don’t have personal slaves. But the ones I do have, served Me frequently, consistently, and also value their privacy as much as I do. None of them are interested in social media fame, fetish parties or the scene. They respect boundaries, value Me as a human and don’t treat Me as a free fetish vending machine. Trust was built over time and it is strictly a one way relationship. I only call upon them when I want something, never the other way around.
That is also not to say that I don’t attend fetish parties. But as and when I do, I prefer to go with My friends otherwise I have no qualms about turning up alone. On the occasion you might see Me at a fetish party with a slave, I guarantee that they will have served Me previously and paid a social tribute for the pleasure of accompanying Me. I do not attend fetish parties with some random slave off the internet just because they asked nicely. And especially not for free.
I speak from experience that non tribute paying personal slaves are always more of a burden than anything. I reiterate that I am not judging My colleagues who choose to have personal slaves who don’t pay them. We are all consenting adults and welcome to make our own choices. But I am judging males who think this is what any of us dream of. That is your fantasy, not ours. If you’re not prepared to put your money where your mouth is, keep your mouth shut. Good slaves should be seen and not heard. And personal slaves should always be expected to pay the price.
Finally, to take a phrase from the Findom genre: fuck you, pay Me.
These are My view points. This is My unpopular opinion. These are Words of Wisdomme.
Lady Bellatrix
Copyright © Lady Bellatrix 2021. All rights reserved.
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